Cellphone Ramblings

Sometimes i hae to be my own best friend, because nobody else can understand what i'm going thought because nobody else has been me. I just want someone to care, so I dont feel alone and useless. Someone to tell me that it's okay to be me for once, and will still care when I am. i dont want to feel the emptiness that I feel when I have time to think, and i dont want the silence to remind me just how alone I really am. I dont want to try so hard for something when in the end it was never going to happen in the first place. i've tasted failure too many times to know how it feels to succeed. It's so quiet here, in my emptiness, It's been like this so ong that i'm almost afriad os sound. When I have something I'm so afraid of losing it. So afraid that I hold on to it so tightl that it slips away..Love...Friendship.. So I try to step back and give it space to bloom. but i step back too far..and it goes away, becuase it seemed like I didn't care. No matter what I try it always backfires, like i'malways doing the oppisite of what i'm supposed to be doing. even though I try to do whats right it always seems to turn out wrong. and when I do wrong it always turns out worse. I really hope nobody else has to go through this, becuase It's a really shitty thing to have to deal with. And i'm sorry if anybody is. I'm sure theres somethingthat can be dont to help it....I just haven't found it yet.