What goes around comes around

Well I guess I was right...or maybe I was wrong.

He never really loved me...or if he did, he found a way to ignore it untill it went away.. I honestly dont know what to do now, it's something i've known for a long time now but to actually hear him say it.. It's like when people say that have an empty feeling on the inside.. I know what they mean now. I dont understand how someone can have the ability to lead someone else on and tell them how much they love them and how much they want to be with them..just for fun? It must be like a game to them or something. Just a little pass time to entertain themselves when they're bored.

"hey, why not fuck with someones feelings today"

But then again, maybe it was my fault. Did i not make him happy? Did i not try hard enough to let him know that I cared? Maybe the fact that I hoped for too much and took him seriously when he said he loved me....maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe he did really care, and somehow he moved on.

I know i'm obsessing over it but what else can I do? He left a hole and I cant seem to find a way to fill it. I write about it so I dont have to think about it. If it's on paper, it's out of my mind. I still cant stop thinking about him, my friends want to kill him and I still want to be with him.

I really should have seen it coming... I guess I was just blinded by the fact that he was giving me something I wanted for so long, someone to hold on to, laugh with, cry with. Someone that actually gave a damn about what I was feeling and thinking.. I set my self up for that one.

there were other ways he could have gone about telling me that he didnt want me anymore. or ever (?) Like he could have just said it instead of ignoring me for weeks on end, making up the WORST excuses i've ever heard in my life. But whats happened has happened...and as much as I wish I could change his mind...as much as I want him to be in love with me..for real this time..I cant. I have nothing else.. Nothing but his friendship and nobody to replace him. I dont know what would hurt more...not talking to him...or talking to him knowing that he will never feel the same abot me as I do about him.