Another one for the books.

I'm not sure if he understands how much I care about him...
It seems sad, that I can go for so long without talking to him...thinking that he just doesn't want to speak to me..and still like him as much as I do. Honestly....Over the past 5 years...I never stopped liking him. I pretended to like other people, to ignore the fact that I still thought of him a lot.. I even tricked myself into thinking I was in love with someone else. A person who promptly cheated on me shortly there after. Woo. I realized it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do...Pretend like he didn't exist.. I should have tried harder to contact him...Even though he never replied to text messages..or answered phone calls...I'm sure there was something else I could have done. And I regret it now...not telling him how I felt. Waiting this long..

And now that i've told him...He doesn't believe me..
It may have been the things that have hurt him...or it may be that i'm just not worth it. The fact that it was kind of rushed...that I finally started talking to him again..that I was trying to make up for lost time...That probably didn't help. I can understand that two people feel completely different things...dispite what they have done.. How one person can still have feelings for another..and the other can have completely forgotten about them. I understand it...but I don't. I guess it's just from my point of view..
I'm not sure what to do... If I should keep pushing the subject...or just give up. I don't think he wants anything to do with me in that way...yet i'm afraid that if I give up then I will have missed out on something.. like..If I push hard enough...something will happen..
Then again...I don't want to force anything...
Do you see my problem?

The way he talks to me...seems like he's uninterested in talking, yet, occasionally, he says he loves talking to me or i'm fun to talk to or something. So...i'm very confused about it all...he says one thing...but acts like another..
I believe him, and I completely trust him.. It's just hard to tell..
Either way I can't help the fact that I love him. And I can't help the fact that he doesn't believe me. Or doesn't want to deal with that...and is ignoring it or something...
I'm not sure if I want to find out...